Being the youngest is the bestest.

I am the youngest in my family.  Therefore, I am the favorite.  It is a given, no explanations needed.  My parents were seasoned parents when I came along.  Most of my siblings were grown and out of the house by the time I was born.  Some of them even forget me, the last child, because they are so much older.  Yes, siblings, there are THREE girls in the family, quit forgetting about me.  You know those memes stating they have the  best sister?  Well, I have two brothers who have posted that meme and stated they have TWO great sisters.  Two?  Who are you forgetting?  Most likely it is me.  Even though I am forgotten and had the least involved parents, I still believe being the youngest is the best.

1.  Hand-me-downs.  I know they are outdated and stained by the time you get them, but they are free clothes and you learn how to update your fashions with whatever you have got in the closet.  You also don't feel bad if you dye the clothes or rip them up because they were free and you don't have to keep them in good shape because no one else is going to wear them.

2.  Money.  Once all those older siblings leave the home, the bank account increases.  You want that new bike, no problem.  Going out to lunch with friends, here's $20.  New to you car, what color do you want?

3.  Parents are tired.  Always able to do whatever you wanted because the parents were too tired to care.  My parents were never around, so I got to do whatever I wanted anyway, but you get the point.

4.  Responsibilities are non-existent.  Never having to take responsibility for anything.  She's the baby, the sweet baby. She could do no wrong.

5.  The Star.  Getting attention, and keeping attention is easy.  Rarely having to compromise, mostly getting your way.  "It is all about me!"  This also comes in handy when wanting to sell anything, idea, merchandise, job interviews.  Very good skill.

6.  Glass half full.  The baby is rarely negative due to life experiences.  It is really easy to be positive when your siblings have gotten into trouble for everything and you have not.

Here are a few "issues" I may have due to being the youngest.

1.  I am incredibly irresponsible.  I have learned to be much more responsible from MDK (the oldest in his family).  I didn't become an unwed mother at a young age by making responsible choices.

2.  I am a sore loser.  I pout and stomp and huff and puff.  I despise losing.

3.  I have a hard time taking things seriously.  I try to make bad stuff into funny situations.  I think this is good sometimes, though.

4. (This one isn't necessarily an issue but it was something I had to overcome because I am the youngest.)  The high school teachers already knew who I was before I stepped foot into their classrooms.  "Oh, you are so & so's baby sister."  I was proud to say I was the little sister.  That is when the teacher would point out what a pain they were.  Suddenly I have to be 10 times better because  of the example before me.  Thanks siblings!

I think being the youngest is awesome and I feel bad for all you middle and oldest children.  Childhood had to have been rough.

I am searching for my joy.

I am being a Scrooge/Grinch this year for Christmas.  I am just not in the spirit of Christmas this year.  Everything I see reminds me of what I have lost this year.  I am not normally like this.  I enjoy watching my kids visit Santa, putting up the tree, decorating, the cookies, the parties, the music, the movies, and the excitement in my children on Christmas morning.  Normally.  Not this year.

We put up the tree two days after Thanksgiving.  I didn't pull everything out of the Christmas boxes.  I only grabbed the stuff my kids insisted needed to be out.  I started hiding stuff back in the boxes before they could see it so I didn't have to bring it out.  I did complete a wreath project I have been wanting to do for a couple of years.  It felt nice to have something that has no ties to any memories.  Plus, it is freaking adorable.

I went to my church's Christmas party for the women.  This is something I go to every year.  I love this event and am chomping at the bit waiting for this event, normally.  The Daughter decided not to go with me this year so I took T.  I know he is not a female but I wasn't sure if I was going to make it without some support.  T wanted to go home shortly after we arrived because someone commented about him being a boy and it was a party for girls.  I was very tempted to leave.  One of my friends came and sat with me and started talking about everything but Christmas and it was nice, so we stayed.  The party usually has a mug exchange game.  Inside the mug you bring, you write on a piece of paper your name and birthday.  Whomever gets your mug prays for you every time they use the mug in that year.  (I have three mugs from the same person and she happens to be a good friend.)  I love this because I remember who's mugs I received each year and what I prayed for them.  It gives me a purpose for my mug more than just to drink out of.  This year the mug I received was from a guest and she didn't want to participate in the name/praying part.  This broke my heart and I cried driving home.  Now I just have a mug that isn't special to me.  I will probably re-gift it.

I took X-Man and T to the local Home Depot yesterday to participate in the children's project.  They made garden stakes with three different designs on them.  They are cute and were very simple.  They reminded me that my dad would grow a big garden every year and allow my kids to pick what was planted.  He would have loved these garden stakes and would have put them proudly in his garden.

Afterward, we went to the zoo because it was free yesterday.  It was raining pretty hard at the zoo but not too cold.  Santa was at the zoo in an education building which has big windows looking out to the the lions.  We stood out in the rain in line to see Santa.  Everyone in front of us had strollers with babies, many brand new, unable to hold their heads up.  I couldn't understand why these parents were standing in the rain waiting for Santa.  Do you remember that photo all over the internet last year with sleeping Santa and the sleeping infant on  Santa?  That happened at the mall where I live.  That Santa knows what he is doing.  Take your newbies to the mall, out of the rain with the seasoned Santa.  The zoo Santa didn't know how to hold the infants and was very young under that suit.  He was struggling but did okay and was very pleasant.  My boys just wanted to talk to Santa and see the lions who were right next to the windows.  The staff wouldn't let you look at the lions because you could get a picture of Santa if you were by the windows.  Each staff member reminded me I was absolutely not to take my own photo of Santa.  I had to explain 8 times that my boys just wanted to talk to Santa.  

We finally get to Santa!  Don't worry, I did not take my camera out of my purse the whole time.  (I really need a sarcasm font.)  T goes first, he wants a video game.  He stated he was a good boy except to his brother who deserves it and brings it on himself.  He let Santa know that it was his decision if he was on the naughty or nice list, not T's.  (This did make me smile.)  X-Man goes next, he wants The World Record Paper Airplane Package and a cursive book, which he practiced saying the whole time we were in line.  He states he is a good boy and wishes him a Merry Christmas and we walk out the door.  T turns to X-Man and lets him know that guy was just some guy in a Santa suit, not really Santa, he didn't even have a mouth because of his fake beard.  X-Man didn't let that deter him from believing he met Santa.

I can't listen to Christmas songs or watch my favorite Christmas movie, A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Everything reminds me of my parents.  Many of my friends still live in my home town and posted videos of the Christmas parade.  I didn't know how much I missed the intimate experience of a small town parade.  My parents always watched the parades no matter the weather.  (It probably helped the parade route went right in front of the bars.)  The friends I lost this year were always in the parades with me growing up.  But I loved watching my friends' videos and seeing people I knew, even 20 years after I moved away.

The boys have decided they want to host a Christmas party for their friends this year.  This is new and I am very excited to start something new, just like my wreath, no memories yet.  I am excited to make a craft, have snacks, and exchange gifts at our home with all these little children.  (I am also excited that we have very little money to spend, so it will be a simple affair.)  I will have friends attend as well, which will be nice, and new.  I may not be able to make it through all of this year's Christmas festivities without shedding a tear, but I think making new memories will help the Christmas season to be less painful.  Who said Christmas needed to be painless, anyway?  I am pretty sure the first Christmas was very painful with joy mixed in.

You are so ignorant. Thanks, Mom.

I am going to rant a bit and you can opt out of reading.  You have been warned...

I have established I am a Christian, I attend church, and I find it important in my life.  I went to a Christian college and I feel I am educated.  I grew up in Nevada and was exposed to many different lifestyles and beliefs.  I do not feel these lifestyles or beliefs changed my faith or relationship with Christ.  I learned about the theory of evolution throughout school, including the Christian college I attended.  Is it what I believe, no, but I do not think others need to believe in the theory of creation to be educated about it.  I have a strong belief in being educated about the world around you.  I believe I am a better person for knowing about other theories and beliefs.

I also took a class in college about Eastern religions.  It was only one class and I am sure I only learned a very small amount, but I loved learning what others believe and why they believe it.  Also, other religions have a direct impact on my religion and I what to know why and what those impacts are.  Plus, why are so many different religious sects fighting over land consisting of dirt and rocks in the Middle East?  Have you seen the Middle East?  I want to know more about the bloody past of Christianity.  I know a bit but there is more to learn.  In my job I work with many different people with many different faiths.  I had to train a direct care staff in the early morning one time and I knew she was Muslim.  Because I have been educated in this religion, I knew the breakfast sandwich I was going to bring her couldn't have pork in it.  My knowledge helped me to make the training experience more enjoyable.  She didn't have to explain why she couldn't eat the sandwich and we didn't have to veer from our objective. "Here, I brought you breakfast to thank you for filling in so early in the morning.  Let's get started."

I have encountered many people who are so angry about an Islamic church moving in down the street from where I live.  I have heard they are terrorists and are here to make a plan to bring down America.  Really?  Another person stated he needs to take the fighter jet he pilots and bomb them while they were at church.  Wow.  These type of statements are not beliefs I want to be exposed to because they break my heart.  I do not feel more educated, I feel pain.  Why is there so much hate in these people?

Did you know many people in the Christian church do not believe women should be pastors?  As if having breasts and a vagina makes someone unable to be called to ministry and preach the word of God.  I do not have a limit on the God I know and He is able to use all beings for his purpose.

I would like people to look at others with love.  Let's learn about how others think and believe.  I know why I believe what I believe and it isn't because someone told me to believe it.  I know what is out there to believe in and I have chosen my belief system.  Yes, they may not be what you believe, but that is okay.  Do I believe in evolution?  No, but it is fascinating to hear why you do.  Do you believe in the Holy Spirit?  No, will you let me tell you why I do?  Take me out for coffee and I will talk your ear off about whatever comes up.  I love getting to know people and why they tick the way they do.

Those poor turkeys!

Thanksgiving, when I was growing up, wasn't the best time.  My parents would be around long enough to eat turkey and after would head to the bar.  We never said what we were thankful for or had family come into town.  I would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and play outside.  That was it!  It wasn't anything special.

In college, I had music performances over Thanksgiving break so I stayed on campus during break.  Many of my friends were very unhappy about having to miss Thanksgiving with their families.  I didn't understand what the big deal was.  Couldn't they just eat dinner with family next weekend?  A couple Thanksgivings, I was invited to the house of a friend.  They would have so many people over, it was a chaotic day.  I enjoyed being at someone's home, but I did feel a little out of place.  I wasn't sure what was expected of me so I just ate and helped clean after the meal.

As an adult with The Daughter, I would go to a friend's house for a couple of years.  My parents moved near me and I would have Thanksgiving dinner with them,  When My Dark Knight's mother moved to town, we would have dinner over at her house.  Some years we would travel to MDK's childhood town and have Thanksgiving with his family.  

This year, we are having Thanksgiving at home, just us, no visitors or extended family.  It is nice.  I am able to wear whatever I want and everything is gluten free and I don't have to worry about getting sick.  I can have leftovers too!  If I become sad because all the holidays are making me sad this year, I can cry in my home.  MDK can watch his Bears play football without any interruptions.  We can have autism meltdowns at home.  The Daughter can listen to her music, her loud, screaming music.  These are the things I am very thankful for!  I am very lucky to have a home filled with crazy love.  We are not traditional but we are wonderful.  

The miserable have no other medicine But only hope: I've hope to live, and am prepared to die. - Claudio

Thought I would bring a little class to the post today.  So, a little Shakespeare from Measure for Measure, Act 3, Scene 1 is the name of this post.  Classiness!

So let's talk about death.  Just in 2014, January, both our guinea pigs (6 years old) died of old age.  April is when I lost my high school mentor.  May, I lost my dad (diabetes complications), a high school friend and her daughter (car accident), and an acquaintance from high school (accident).  June, a friend's older sister died who I adored (medical complications).  September, my mom died (pneumonia).  October, a cousin died from cancer.  I am very familiar with death at this point.

Death is one of those topics that make people very uncomfortable.  Let's get uncomfortable!  Death is inevitable and it needs to be prepared for.  I figured I would give a list of some of the items of what I have learned this year regarding life and death.

1.  Pets, no matter how small, become family and it sucks when they die.  I knew it was coming and held each guinea pig as they passed away.  I tried to make them feel loved because it is what I want when my time comes.

2.  Always try to be a friend to those around you.  You never know what people are going through privately and your friendship could make or break them.

3.  Listen to your doctor when he gives you medical advice.  I know they can be wrong sometimes, but most of the time your physician wants you to live a rich and fulfilling life.  Plus, you are paying them for their expertise, might as well use it.

4.  Always wear your seat belt.  Always.  The worst that could happen is you die anyway.  The best that can happen is you go home to your family.  Your percentage of living through a car accident is much higher if you wear a seat belt.

5.  Make good choices.  I know this one seems to be a no-brainer, but it needs to be said often.  When angry, a good choice may be what saves you.

6.  Listen to your body.  If something isn't right, take action.

7.  If you are not prepared for emergencies and death, someone else will have to make the decisions for you.  Think of your spouse and children.  Those closest to you need to have the opportunity to grieve and just be, not make the toughest decisions of their life.  (Choose the people who will follow through on your decisions.)

8.  Negotiate the price with the funeral home director.  If you need a lower price, just ask if they can meet you closer to what you can pay.  Keep in mind, the funeral home needs to make money to continue their business, so don't be unreasonable.  You will be back, eventually, so be a good client.  See #7 on how to make this easier for your family.

9.  Talk with your family about your plans and where you keep the documents.  Talking about death and preparation does not cause death, that I have heard of.  I have been talking about what I want when I die for 7 months.  Still here.

10.  Life insurance.  Death is SO expensive for those left to pick up the pieces.  Even a small policy will help.

11.  When you give gifts to those grieving, bring items that do not require work.  Money, finger foods, fresh fruit and veggies, gift cards for common restaurants, etc.  I am so thankful for those who helped me by cleaning.  It can be incredibly overwhelming when faced with the list of items that need to be completed.  Someone stepping in and helping, or taking over, a cleaning project can be the biggest relief.  Being able to run into my house and grabbing some carrots and an apple before I had to meet with the funeral director is exactly what I needed to make it a few more hours.  I did not have time to sit down and eat.  A gift card to Wendy's helped feed my family when we had to run around.

12.  Try to be forgiving.  I was unable to call people back or I would forget.  If I had a moment to sit and not make any decisions, I just wanted to veg on the couch or take a bath.  I gave up on thank you notes by the time my mom died.  I hope I didn't upset anyone.

13.  Let people help you!  Do not be prideful during this time.  No one cares if your house is a mess or you are wearing the same pair of pants all week, they are there to help and it just shows they love you.

14.  If you tell me that it is okay because my loved one is in a better place, I may not be very thankful.  Right now, the better place is still here with me, alive and well.  A better thing to say, "I am so sorry you are going though this and I will be here for you until you tell me to go."

This is a random post. I am procrastinating on the posts I should be sharing. I promise the next one will be more exciting or it might make you cry.

I attended my 15 year college reunion last week.  I attended a christian college.  My family encouraged me to go to church growing up, if I chose to.  My parents did not attend church.  I tried out many different denominations.  I would go to church by myself or with a friend if invited. 

I have felt the presence of God as long as I can remember.  I know it sounds crazy or weird.  I can only describe it as feeling love inside my being.  Being hugged in love.  I did not have much love or affection growing up from my family, but I felt loved, always.

I decided the Nazarene doctrine most described my personal belief system.  I started attending the Nazarene church regularly.  Where I grew up, the Nazarene church had about 15 people and two were teenagers.  There was no youth group and I had to find one somewhere else.

I went to a non-denominational youth group.  It was at the house of a family, not in a church.  We would meet weekly and read scripture and discuss.  The message I always heard was hate.  So many times the message circled around a sinner, being condemned, and going to hell.  A list started and kept growing of things I couldn't do or I was going to go to hell.  We never discussed growth or love.  It was very difficult to follow all the rules. 

When I started looking at colleges to attend, my father stated NNC was a good college and I already had a friend at NNC.  I applied to many colleges and was accepted.  My father stated he would pay for college if I went to NNC.  So, I went to NNC.

NNC had a curfew for freshman.  I have never had a curfew in my life.  I have always done what I wanted and came and went when I wanted.  I would push curfew at college just because I was told I had to be home at a certain time.  I had to take religious classes.  Since I did not have the background as most of the other students, I had to learn everything, even basic Bible stories.  I would answer basic biblical questions with stupid answers.  Students would laugh at me in class and my first roommate would run around telling everyone my stupid answers.  It was so hard.  Feeling love wasn't going to get me through college.  BTW, manna was the food given to God's chosen people, not Esau.  

I changed my major from music, to English education, to social work.  My dad let me know that professions in social service, like social work, do not pay well.  But I wanted to change the world, I told him.  He was right, it doesn't pay well, but I believe I am making a difference in my little world.  

I became pregnant with The Daughter my senior year at NNC.  Some of my friends discontinued our friendship when this happened, but many continued to love me.  

I met some incredible people at NNC.  I did earn a degree in social work.  I feel more confident in my Bible knowledge.  I learned to allow people to be where they are in life and help them along if they ask.  I learned to love more.

Stuff I learned because of NNC:  Do not stay out until curfew, you will be so tired in class.  Always talk to your professors if you have any questions or concerns.  The professors are wanting you to do your best and will help you when you need it.  College chaplain are awesome.  Reach out and make friends with everyone, no matter their major, or if they play basketball.  Participate in as many activities on campus as possible.

Halloween is weird.

(Tara as a witch for Halloween, sometime in the 80's.  The party was at a casino.)

I was raised in Nevada and October 31st is Nevada Day, the day Nevada became a state in 1864.  Happy 150th birthday Nevada!  We always had the day off of school and work.  Banks and the post office were closed.  It was a VERY big deal.  Carson City always has a parade each year.  When I was in high school, we went to Carson City every year for the Nevada Day Parade.  I was a part of the band and colorguard (flags).  We would march in the parade and won first every year I was in school.  Coincidence?  I think not!  There was an elephant in the parade and I did not enjoy the elephant if he was in the parade before I was.  Elephants leave very large messes on the road.

I went to Idaho for college.  I was pumped for a day off in October.  October started off good, the middle was going well, and I re-read my syllabus again.  Wait, does it state I have class on October 31st?  Hold on!  I am pretty sure this is a mistake.  I asked a professor why there appears to be class on Halloween.  He let me know that Halloween is not a holiday.  I argued with him that, yes, I always had Halloween off of school.  Apparently, Nevada is the only state that celebrates Nevada Day correctly.  Everyone else dresses up and goes trick-or-treating AFTER work and school.  What?! Now, I have lived in Idaho for 19 years.  I still consider myself a girl from Nevada and try to take Halloween off of work.  I don't do anything special, just let myself have a Nevada Day.

This year The Daughter went off to a Halloween party at a friend's house, X-man dressed up as Iron Man, and T dressed up as a box.  Yes, a box.  Like a Box Troll, you ask?  Nope, just a box.  He comes to me and states he has spoken to many people and he believes being a box for Halloween is a good idea.  My mom had bought a Captain America costume a few years ago and I really wanted him to wear it again this year because it would probably be the last year he could wear it and I really needed him to wear this costume.  I finally folded and went with the box costume.

While we were out asking strangers for candy, T would drop something and try to pick it up and it was very funny.  He couldn't bend or walk up stairs very well.  He would ring the doorbell, say "trick-or-treat", and the people handing out candy would ask, "Are you a box?", with a confused look on their face.  He seemed to get an extra piece of candy at each house.  That poor child who couldn't afford a costume.

Halloween means something different to me but, I have grown to really appreciate Halloween in Idaho because of my kids.  They love Halloween even though they had to go to school.  They love dressing up as cats, superheroes, pumpkins, and even a box.

This year, Halloween was a good time.  I really needed a good Halloween!

Bonus:  A friend of mine took a picture of the current band and colorguard from my old high school in the Nevada Day Parade this year.  It made me smile the rest of the day.  Watch out for the elephant!