Those poor turkeys!

Thanksgiving, when I was growing up, wasn't the best time.  My parents would be around long enough to eat turkey and after would head to the bar.  We never said what we were thankful for or had family come into town.  I would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and play outside.  That was it!  It wasn't anything special.

In college, I had music performances over Thanksgiving break so I stayed on campus during break.  Many of my friends were very unhappy about having to miss Thanksgiving with their families.  I didn't understand what the big deal was.  Couldn't they just eat dinner with family next weekend?  A couple Thanksgivings, I was invited to the house of a friend.  They would have so many people over, it was a chaotic day.  I enjoyed being at someone's home, but I did feel a little out of place.  I wasn't sure what was expected of me so I just ate and helped clean after the meal.

As an adult with The Daughter, I would go to a friend's house for a couple of years.  My parents moved near me and I would have Thanksgiving dinner with them,  When My Dark Knight's mother moved to town, we would have dinner over at her house.  Some years we would travel to MDK's childhood town and have Thanksgiving with his family.  

This year, we are having Thanksgiving at home, just us, no visitors or extended family.  It is nice.  I am able to wear whatever I want and everything is gluten free and I don't have to worry about getting sick.  I can have leftovers too!  If I become sad because all the holidays are making me sad this year, I can cry in my home.  MDK can watch his Bears play football without any interruptions.  We can have autism meltdowns at home.  The Daughter can listen to her music, her loud, screaming music.  These are the things I am very thankful for!  I am very lucky to have a home filled with crazy love.  We are not traditional but we are wonderful.  

The miserable have no other medicine But only hope: I've hope to live, and am prepared to die. - Claudio

Thought I would bring a little class to the post today.  So, a little Shakespeare from Measure for Measure, Act 3, Scene 1 is the name of this post.  Classiness!

So let's talk about death.  Just in 2014, January, both our guinea pigs (6 years old) died of old age.  April is when I lost my high school mentor.  May, I lost my dad (diabetes complications), a high school friend and her daughter (car accident), and an acquaintance from high school (accident).  June, a friend's older sister died who I adored (medical complications).  September, my mom died (pneumonia).  October, a cousin died from cancer.  I am very familiar with death at this point.

Death is one of those topics that make people very uncomfortable.  Let's get uncomfortable!  Death is inevitable and it needs to be prepared for.  I figured I would give a list of some of the items of what I have learned this year regarding life and death.

1.  Pets, no matter how small, become family and it sucks when they die.  I knew it was coming and held each guinea pig as they passed away.  I tried to make them feel loved because it is what I want when my time comes.

2.  Always try to be a friend to those around you.  You never know what people are going through privately and your friendship could make or break them.

3.  Listen to your doctor when he gives you medical advice.  I know they can be wrong sometimes, but most of the time your physician wants you to live a rich and fulfilling life.  Plus, you are paying them for their expertise, might as well use it.

4.  Always wear your seat belt.  Always.  The worst that could happen is you die anyway.  The best that can happen is you go home to your family.  Your percentage of living through a car accident is much higher if you wear a seat belt.

5.  Make good choices.  I know this one seems to be a no-brainer, but it needs to be said often.  When angry, a good choice may be what saves you.

6.  Listen to your body.  If something isn't right, take action.

7.  If you are not prepared for emergencies and death, someone else will have to make the decisions for you.  Think of your spouse and children.  Those closest to you need to have the opportunity to grieve and just be, not make the toughest decisions of their life.  (Choose the people who will follow through on your decisions.)

8.  Negotiate the price with the funeral home director.  If you need a lower price, just ask if they can meet you closer to what you can pay.  Keep in mind, the funeral home needs to make money to continue their business, so don't be unreasonable.  You will be back, eventually, so be a good client.  See #7 on how to make this easier for your family.

9.  Talk with your family about your plans and where you keep the documents.  Talking about death and preparation does not cause death, that I have heard of.  I have been talking about what I want when I die for 7 months.  Still here.

10.  Life insurance.  Death is SO expensive for those left to pick up the pieces.  Even a small policy will help.

11.  When you give gifts to those grieving, bring items that do not require work.  Money, finger foods, fresh fruit and veggies, gift cards for common restaurants, etc.  I am so thankful for those who helped me by cleaning.  It can be incredibly overwhelming when faced with the list of items that need to be completed.  Someone stepping in and helping, or taking over, a cleaning project can be the biggest relief.  Being able to run into my house and grabbing some carrots and an apple before I had to meet with the funeral director is exactly what I needed to make it a few more hours.  I did not have time to sit down and eat.  A gift card to Wendy's helped feed my family when we had to run around.

12.  Try to be forgiving.  I was unable to call people back or I would forget.  If I had a moment to sit and not make any decisions, I just wanted to veg on the couch or take a bath.  I gave up on thank you notes by the time my mom died.  I hope I didn't upset anyone.

13.  Let people help you!  Do not be prideful during this time.  No one cares if your house is a mess or you are wearing the same pair of pants all week, they are there to help and it just shows they love you.

14.  If you tell me that it is okay because my loved one is in a better place, I may not be very thankful.  Right now, the better place is still here with me, alive and well.  A better thing to say, "I am so sorry you are going though this and I will be here for you until you tell me to go."

This is a random post. I am procrastinating on the posts I should be sharing. I promise the next one will be more exciting or it might make you cry.

I attended my 15 year college reunion last week.  I attended a christian college.  My family encouraged me to go to church growing up, if I chose to.  My parents did not attend church.  I tried out many different denominations.  I would go to church by myself or with a friend if invited. 

I have felt the presence of God as long as I can remember.  I know it sounds crazy or weird.  I can only describe it as feeling love inside my being.  Being hugged in love.  I did not have much love or affection growing up from my family, but I felt loved, always.

I decided the Nazarene doctrine most described my personal belief system.  I started attending the Nazarene church regularly.  Where I grew up, the Nazarene church had about 15 people and two were teenagers.  There was no youth group and I had to find one somewhere else.

I went to a non-denominational youth group.  It was at the house of a family, not in a church.  We would meet weekly and read scripture and discuss.  The message I always heard was hate.  So many times the message circled around a sinner, being condemned, and going to hell.  A list started and kept growing of things I couldn't do or I was going to go to hell.  We never discussed growth or love.  It was very difficult to follow all the rules. 

When I started looking at colleges to attend, my father stated NNC was a good college and I already had a friend at NNC.  I applied to many colleges and was accepted.  My father stated he would pay for college if I went to NNC.  So, I went to NNC.

NNC had a curfew for freshman.  I have never had a curfew in my life.  I have always done what I wanted and came and went when I wanted.  I would push curfew at college just because I was told I had to be home at a certain time.  I had to take religious classes.  Since I did not have the background as most of the other students, I had to learn everything, even basic Bible stories.  I would answer basic biblical questions with stupid answers.  Students would laugh at me in class and my first roommate would run around telling everyone my stupid answers.  It was so hard.  Feeling love wasn't going to get me through college.  BTW, manna was the food given to God's chosen people, not Esau.  

I changed my major from music, to English education, to social work.  My dad let me know that professions in social service, like social work, do not pay well.  But I wanted to change the world, I told him.  He was right, it doesn't pay well, but I believe I am making a difference in my little world.  

I became pregnant with The Daughter my senior year at NNC.  Some of my friends discontinued our friendship when this happened, but many continued to love me.  

I met some incredible people at NNC.  I did earn a degree in social work.  I feel more confident in my Bible knowledge.  I learned to allow people to be where they are in life and help them along if they ask.  I learned to love more.

Stuff I learned because of NNC:  Do not stay out until curfew, you will be so tired in class.  Always talk to your professors if you have any questions or concerns.  The professors are wanting you to do your best and will help you when you need it.  College chaplain are awesome.  Reach out and make friends with everyone, no matter their major, or if they play basketball.  Participate in as many activities on campus as possible.

Halloween is weird.

(Tara as a witch for Halloween, sometime in the 80's.  The party was at a casino.)

I was raised in Nevada and October 31st is Nevada Day, the day Nevada became a state in 1864.  Happy 150th birthday Nevada!  We always had the day off of school and work.  Banks and the post office were closed.  It was a VERY big deal.  Carson City always has a parade each year.  When I was in high school, we went to Carson City every year for the Nevada Day Parade.  I was a part of the band and colorguard (flags).  We would march in the parade and won first every year I was in school.  Coincidence?  I think not!  There was an elephant in the parade and I did not enjoy the elephant if he was in the parade before I was.  Elephants leave very large messes on the road.

I went to Idaho for college.  I was pumped for a day off in October.  October started off good, the middle was going well, and I re-read my syllabus again.  Wait, does it state I have class on October 31st?  Hold on!  I am pretty sure this is a mistake.  I asked a professor why there appears to be class on Halloween.  He let me know that Halloween is not a holiday.  I argued with him that, yes, I always had Halloween off of school.  Apparently, Nevada is the only state that celebrates Nevada Day correctly.  Everyone else dresses up and goes trick-or-treating AFTER work and school.  What?! Now, I have lived in Idaho for 19 years.  I still consider myself a girl from Nevada and try to take Halloween off of work.  I don't do anything special, just let myself have a Nevada Day.

This year The Daughter went off to a Halloween party at a friend's house, X-man dressed up as Iron Man, and T dressed up as a box.  Yes, a box.  Like a Box Troll, you ask?  Nope, just a box.  He comes to me and states he has spoken to many people and he believes being a box for Halloween is a good idea.  My mom had bought a Captain America costume a few years ago and I really wanted him to wear it again this year because it would probably be the last year he could wear it and I really needed him to wear this costume.  I finally folded and went with the box costume.

While we were out asking strangers for candy, T would drop something and try to pick it up and it was very funny.  He couldn't bend or walk up stairs very well.  He would ring the doorbell, say "trick-or-treat", and the people handing out candy would ask, "Are you a box?", with a confused look on their face.  He seemed to get an extra piece of candy at each house.  That poor child who couldn't afford a costume.

Halloween means something different to me but, I have grown to really appreciate Halloween in Idaho because of my kids.  They love Halloween even though they had to go to school.  They love dressing up as cats, superheroes, pumpkins, and even a box.

This year, Halloween was a good time.  I really needed a good Halloween!

Bonus:  A friend of mine took a picture of the current band and colorguard from my old high school in the Nevada Day Parade this year.  It made me smile the rest of the day.  Watch out for the elephant!