I am being a Scrooge/Grinch this year for Christmas. I am just not in the spirit of Christmas this year. Everything I see reminds me of what I have lost this year. I am not normally like this. I enjoy watching my kids visit Santa, putting up the tree, decorating, the cookies, the parties, the music, the movies, and the excitement in my children on Christmas morning. Normally. Not this year.
We put up the tree two days after Thanksgiving. I didn't pull everything out of the Christmas boxes. I only grabbed the stuff my kids insisted needed to be out. I started hiding stuff back in the boxes before they could see it so I didn't have to bring it out. I did complete a wreath project I have been wanting to do for a couple of years. It felt nice to have something that has no ties to any memories. Plus, it is freaking adorable.
I went to my church's Christmas party for the women. This is something I go to every year. I love this event and am chomping at the bit waiting for this event, normally. The Daughter decided not to go with me this year so I took T. I know he is not a female but I wasn't sure if I was going to make it without some support. T wanted to go home shortly after we arrived because someone commented about him being a boy and it was a party for girls. I was very tempted to leave. One of my friends came and sat with me and started talking about everything but Christmas and it was nice, so we stayed. The party usually has a mug exchange game. Inside the mug you bring, you write on a piece of paper your name and birthday. Whomever gets your mug prays for you every time they use the mug in that year. (I have three mugs from the same person and she happens to be a good friend.) I love this because I remember who's mugs I received each year and what I prayed for them. It gives me a purpose for my mug more than just to drink out of. This year the mug I received was from a guest and she didn't want to participate in the name/praying part. This broke my heart and I cried driving home. Now I just have a mug that isn't special to me. I will probably re-gift it.
I took X-Man and T to the local Home Depot yesterday to participate in the children's project. They made garden stakes with three different designs on them. They are cute and were very simple. They reminded me that my dad would grow a big garden every year and allow my kids to pick what was planted. He would have loved these garden stakes and would have put them proudly in his garden.
Afterward, we went to the zoo because it was free yesterday. It was raining pretty hard at the zoo but not too cold. Santa was at the zoo in an education building which has big windows looking out to the the lions. We stood out in the rain in line to see Santa. Everyone in front of us had strollers with babies, many brand new, unable to hold their heads up. I couldn't understand why these parents were standing in the rain waiting for Santa. Do you remember that photo all over the internet last year with sleeping Santa and the sleeping infant on Santa? That happened at the mall where I live. That Santa knows what he is doing. Take your newbies to the mall, out of the rain with the seasoned Santa. The zoo Santa didn't know how to hold the infants and was very young under that suit. He was struggling but did okay and was very pleasant. My boys just wanted to talk to Santa and see the lions who were right next to the windows. The staff wouldn't let you look at the lions because you could get a picture of Santa if you were by the windows. Each staff member reminded me I was absolutely not to take my own photo of Santa. I had to explain 8 times that my boys just wanted to talk to Santa.
We finally get to Santa! Don't worry, I did not take my camera out of my purse the whole time. (I really need a sarcasm font.) T goes first, he wants a video game. He stated he was a good boy except to his brother who deserves it and brings it on himself. He let Santa know that it was his decision if he was on the naughty or nice list, not T's. (This did make me smile.) X-Man goes next, he wants The World Record Paper Airplane Package and a cursive book, which he practiced saying the whole time we were in line. He states he is a good boy and wishes him a Merry Christmas and we walk out the door. T turns to X-Man and lets him know that guy was just some guy in a Santa suit, not really Santa, he didn't even have a mouth because of his fake beard. X-Man didn't let that deter him from believing he met Santa.
I can't listen to Christmas songs or watch my favorite Christmas movie, A Charlie Brown Christmas. Everything reminds me of my parents. Many of my friends still live in my home town and posted videos of the Christmas parade. I didn't know how much I missed the intimate experience of a small town parade. My parents always watched the parades no matter the weather. (It probably helped the parade route went right in front of the bars.) The friends I lost this year were always in the parades with me growing up. But I loved watching my friends' videos and seeing people I knew, even 20 years after I moved away.
The boys have decided they want to host a Christmas party for their friends this year. This is new and I am very excited to start something new, just like my wreath, no memories yet. I am excited to make a craft, have snacks, and exchange gifts at our home with all these little children. (I am also excited that we have very little money to spend, so it will be a simple affair.) I will have friends attend as well, which will be nice, and new. I may not be able to make it through all of this year's Christmas festivities without shedding a tear, but I think making new memories will help the Christmas season to be less painful. Who said Christmas needed to be painless, anyway? I am pretty sure the first Christmas was very painful with joy mixed in.
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