My daughter! I have to give a bit of a back story regarding The Daughter to understand why she helped me, Become Me, this year. (Please note this post is very difficult for me to write.)
1985: This is the year my last sibling left the house, leaving me to be an "only" child. I was 8 years old. My siblings are much older than I am and they took care of my needs every day. My parents were alcoholics, I still love them, but they were either working or at the bar. I had to learn to take care of myself quickly. I did not have any idea what it looked like to be raised by parents.
Jump to 1999: This is the year I gave birth to The Daughter. I fell in love the second she was born. I was young, single, and unprepared to be a mother. I believed that since I raised myself, I could raise a child of my own. Apparently, having a good role-model in your parents, assists in being a good parent yourself. I believe I do a pretty good job, but I really struggle being an ideal parent. I am unconventional.
2014: I was in a meeting for work and muted my phone. After my meeting that went long because I am too chatty, I checked my phone and I had 6 missed calls and voice mails from the high school, 2 texts from The Daughter's older half-brother, and 2 missed calls from an unknown number. Strange, I am usually not this popular. I checked the voice mails and the texts and they stated I needed to call the high school. As I was calling the high school, I just decided to drive to the school at the same time.
The Daughter was going to kill herself and had a plan she was going to follow through with after school that day. She texted her older half-brother something that concerned him and he immediately went to his school counselor who called The Daughter's school, and so on. She had been cutting, a lot. She was struggling with life. I was clueless, no, ignorant. I thought she was a grumpy teenager. She was athletic, on varsity sports as a freshman. I was pretty sure her life couldn't get much better as a freshman in high school. PLUS, I am a social worker! The signs of suicide go with the job and I could't see them in my own child.
I failed as a parent, not because she was depressed, but because I didn't even notice. I wasn't available to answer the phone when the school called because I was too busy talking about nothing important. What a selfish human being I have become.
After I got her stabilized and an appropriate plan in place, I re-evaluated me as a parent. I started working on not being chatty when I was working. I decided if I wanted to shoot the breeze, I could go out for coffee or whatever outside of work. Work time was to focus on the people I assist. I looked at all the times I was being selfish as a parent. I am not in survival mode anymore like I needed to be in the 80's. I don't need to think of myself first anymore, but I have chosen to. I consciously think how to put others first, specifically my family.
My Sexy Man is the most giving and unselfish person I have ever met. I assume Mother Theresa was very giving and unselfish but I never met her. I am lucky to have someone who stands by me every day in spite of my selfishness. Being my better half has got to be trying. Bonus: He is a great example of how to be a better parent! I have been trying to be more like him this year.
This was step two at Becoming Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment